And yet another closing shift

I really must fit in a few more hours of sleep and a shower before I go in. I'm not really relishing a Saturday in the company of customers, but it's a living.

On the upside, I finally opened a Facebook account last night, and *bam!* got in touch with several of my high school classmates. There may yet be a second chance for me to have meaningful friendships with these nice people, seeing as how the first time I was too busy being reclusive, socially inept, self-absorbed, and sorry for myself. High school, I suppose, is difficult for a lot of people when they're in the midst of it--it certainly was for me, and it took me a long time to come to terms and be at peace with it. But getting back in contact with those who I should have spent more time and energy being friends with in the first place may be the final stage in putting the painful part of those years behind me. We'll see.

Oh, I forgot: my camcorder is kaputt

Yeah, so much for the fabulousness of digital technology. My Canon Optura 10--a pretty nice camera--which I barely used, and haven't touched in almost a year, seems to be on the fritz. Just white stripes when I turn the camera portion on--when it's not a blank black screen. Ah, experimental video/film making--another latent interest of mine that I can't indulge in because the goddamn tools I need keep fucking up. Life may yet become more interesting and fun and creatively fulfilling, but not today.

It was a nice day...

weather-wise, at least. I didn't feel so good. On top of that, my wake-up anxiety returned (for good reason, it turned out, but I think we may have figured it out for now); it wasn't exactly depression, but more stress-induced stuck-in-the-molasses lethargy with a sinusey headache thrown in for good measure. I wanted to take the bus or train into the city today, so I could finally say that I did, but of course I didn't, as usual. As usual, my day off wasn't really spent doing anything useful. I still don't feel particularly interested in talking, or writing, or anything that might be construed as interesting. Blah. I'm bored.

Bucheron

The king of gooey cheeses. Yummy.

talk about epic story arcs! plus, Twiggy revisited (again)

I just took a few minutes to browse through the archives of this blog and its dormant predecessor, The Moogyblog. It's quite interesting to see how my point of view/mood has swung all over the place. Like how my enthusiasm for moving to NJ went from giddy euphoria to the utter toilet-depths of depressive shittiness. Within the space of a few months! Hell, I even publicly contemplated offing myself. How nutzoid is that? Perspective restored, at least for now.

Incidentally, I've also been listening to the old Twiggy & Frollywog CD again while I've been on the blog tonight. Currently, listening--awestruck--to the frenetic wah-wah drenched freakout ending of "Feel My Groove", and asking myself "was that really me who played that?" That whole virtual Side 1 is one of the most kickass album sides I've listened to in ages, and I was part of it. That was a great album overall, by a great friggin' band. I'm serious. Everyone involved should be proud.

Wow, all this has really brightened my mood, in spite of my headache. A few weeks ago I would have been pushed into the blackest of black moods, mourning those bygone days when I was(n't really) happy. This time, I'm reminded of what I'm capable of when I'm motivated and in a good mood.

Ah, the solo from "Messing Up A Good Thing." It took like several dozen tries to get it right...but boy did I ever get it right! Short, sweet, and possessing a vaguely vocal quality. Like someone weeping while singing. Wow, wow, wow.

"Empty"...one of the most brilliant songs to come out of the Columbus music scene in my opinion.

well, how long will THIS last?

I can't believe it...I've actually been feeling better lately. More relaxed, less jittery and depressed. I don't know why. Not much has really changed. Well maybe a couple of things, but I'll discuss those another time.

I am incredibly tired, though. Thank dog that I'm off tomorrow.

My interest level has ticked upwards regarding those things that I love. Music for sure. Graphic arts too. I spent my last couple of days off goofing off in Photoshop, working on some old unfinished artwork that I had archived on CDs. Yep, I still have it in me. I even started thinking about trying to play around with some design ideas, maybe in Illustrator. Perhaps I could even start fooling around with some website ideas for my as-yet-stillborn freelance biz. Remember wispir-design.com?

I'll tell you something else I'm itching to get back into: photography. And I don't mean digital--I mean drag out one of my old SLRs, spool up a roll of TX400 or something similar (actually I have several rolls of Fuji Neopan--all expired--that I need to use up, dammit), and start snapping away, just like the old days. I have three SLRs, you know: two Pentaxes (K1000, ZX5) and a nice old black Nikkormat FT2. You know, I was excited to have bought a Nikon D80 digital SLR...saddened to have to sell it before even turning it on once...and now I'm determined that I'm not going to let that get in the way of reviving that particular hobby. I always was a film die-hard. Still am. And film is not dead. I do wish I still had my other cameras, my Mamiya C330 medium format TLR and my Canonet QL17 GIII rangefinder, but I suppose that I could probably pick examples of those up again when I have disposable income again. Ooh ooh ooh, you know what I really want?? One of those Russian-made Hasselblad copies, the Kiev and the Arax. And then on a trip back home I could bring back my old Bogen enlarger (bought for $10 from the Volunteers of America thrift store on W. Broad St. on the outskirts of Columbus) and set it up in our bathroom and print photos from both 135 and 120 negatives, and I could buy trays and a big Gralab timer with a luminous dial on eBay! Oooh! Yeah!

Oh, my head's hurting.