Damn, my head hurts. No, that's not the good news. The good news is that my headache is the kind you get when you've been relieved of a particularly bad load of stress.
I finally found a job. So did Cherie. In fact, we both found jobs at the same place, same company.
The thing is, for me, it amounts to an at-least-temporary career change, as it's not in graphic design. We got jobs, you see, with [a major food retailer with an emphasis on organic and green products].
I have a feeling that this may become a replay of my time with my former organization, only this time I hope to avoid burnout. The onset is similar--mired in unemployed desperation I make a Hail Mary pass at a potential employer who I have some personal experience with as a customer, whose goals and values I enthusiastically agree with, and SWEET JESUS! they give me the opportunity to work for them, a job which at least initially involves customer service and helping people face to face, but could potentially lead back to more creative work further up the ladder.
I shouldn't feel like a failure, should I? That I couldn't hack it as a graphic designer? Naah. The job market, at least from what I've seen from job postings, is impenetrable for someone with my skill set, portfolio, etc. Obviously no one's going to give me the opportunity to pick up new skills on the job--the innovation's already been done, now they want people who already know all the cool technology so they can jump in and
start cranking it out. More lately, I haven't even been getting callbacks from actual design jobs--just crappy managerial positions and job placement firms offering possible temporary assignments "maybe in a few weeks." Besides, I'm just plain burnt out on design as a fulltime job at the moment. I still have the interest and skills, but I'm exhausted and don't feel like clawing my way through the cyclone fence to find a stressful, soul-draining job for a company which I don't feel anything for and which doesn't care a whit about me.
(Oh, did I mention what became of my new strategy from a few posts ago? Several disconnected numbers, several voice mails for people who would never call me back... Maybe it's better to tell you what I didn't hear: "Sure, come on in and let's talk." Meanwhile, we were reduced to taking a trip down to the Social Services office in Elizabeth to apply for assistance, applying for temporary work at a local Halloween store--who also never called us back! How demoralizing is that?!--and I came very close to having a nervous breakdown from the stress.)My new job with [a major food retailer with an emphasis on organic and green products] takes care of all that. I have a steady job, at least (albeit at a lower salary) with a great company that I admire. I'm taking on a new job role with new responsibilities and challenges, with what seem to be really friendly people. And--this is important--I don't have to wring my artistic creativity dry every day to earn my dinner. See, since I'll have my income out of the way, I can feel free to tinker with design and my other creative endeavors at my own pace, without the pressure, and god willing I may actually learn how to again
have fun with design, art, music, etc. That's something I think I've lost over time, due to being corrupted by the need to make money at it by doing it for other people. I need to learn how to
do it for myself, because I like it, again.
Naturally I'm nervous about how I'm going to do at my new job, how I'm going to adjust to working again. Ah well, I'll learn it fast, I'm sure.
I'll write more later. I'm tired and my head still throbs.
