Thanksgiving has come and gone... (more old stuff)

Another painful rant from the early days.

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I dunno. Thankful for what? That I at least have a job in the middle of a dismal recession...never mind that my entire paycheck is disappearing just like that for the rent, and so I'm looking at another two weeks of being broke. (Cherie's too...and even that's not enough. Her mom's covering the rest.) That I have Cherie and her family with me so I don't have to face life alone here so far from my family. That I still *have* a family somewhere, and that my cellphone hasn't been turned off so I can still talk to them every night while I'm walking the dogs. That we managed to have a nice dinner yesterday and everyone over, and that I had a moment or two of happiness jamming on the guitar together with Cherie's nephew and her sister's boyfriend. And in spite of all that, I feel absolutely miserable. I LOATHE LIFE RIGHT NOW. I'd like to fall asleep into a pleasant dream and never, ever, wake up until all my creditors have gone bankrupt and every bill collector in every call center in the world has died of typhoid, and I don't have to have a fucking pissant job to pay things I don't want to have to pay for, and I can do the things that I want to do to make myself happy, and I can be with my family again and no one will be hurt or angry by my wanting to do so. I HATE MY LIFE AND I WANT TO GO HOME TO MY MOM AND DAD AND I WANT THINGS TO BE THE WAY THEY USED TO BE GODDAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!