You wanna know how fucked up I am?

To help boost my morale after having been extremely, unhealthily anxious about my financial situation, Cherie put up the "Smile" entry page on Wikipedia after she saw that I had been reading about anxiety disorders. Well, I decided to read the page on smiles. And this is where I went from there:

Smile
Grimace
McDonaldland
McJob
Contingent work
Turnover

I swear, I need therapy.

Today the store opens, and I am scheduled to work from 2:00pm-10:30pm. I'm obviously nervous about facing a store full of eager consumers for the first time, but hopefully I'll do okay. More importantly, I can't wait till Friday when we get our first paychecks. I do hope it'll be enough to get a few bills paid. That's really what I'm most anxious about. Especially the car--no car, no job, no money.

Why can't I just be happy that I have a job at all? I don't know. I'm a first class major league worry-wart terrified of falling into poverty and being a general failure in life, having to give up my dreams for the sake of simple survival. God knows I never expected or really wanted to end up selling gourmet cheese at an upscale supermarket, but that's where I'm at.

Yeah, this is great. I'm sitting here whining about life and and I'm supposed to go in in a couple of hours full of smiles. That's a good way to get myself fired. I need to stop.