Midnight Plowboy

End of April, beginning of May. I am outta here. Columbus, I mean. New Jersey, here we come.

I'm quite frightened, but then I always am when I'm staring out over the proverbial doorstep into the unknown. Funny, seeing as how I've built kind of a reputation as the "adventurous one" in my family. Hell, I've moved away before. Once. In college. To frickin' Germany, ferchrissakes. But then I knew I was coming back after three and a half months. This time, no, except for the occasional visit. I'm gonna miss my all folks, but especially my mom. Poor, dear lady, bless her heart. I'm dreading having to tell her the news; I know she's gonna cry buckets, and that means that I'm gonna cry buckets too. But I have to do this. I love my folks, but 34 years (in March) is just too damn long to live within their gravitational field.

Besides, as you may be aware, I'm SICK TO EFFIN' DEATH of Columbus.

Just gotta make sure I find some kinda work quickly so as to keep the bills paid, a roof over our heads, wheels under our rumps, and an internet connection so I don't feel like poor old Pink shouting "Hello, is there anybody out there?" Gotta keep telling myself, this is an adventure, make the most of it. I do have Cherie with me, on the plus side, and her family. God bless them. They rock. Especially her little sister. She's into anime.

I think I'm rambling rambling rambling rambling.

Since last post, by the way:

I've gotten to like my C-PAP machine. Weird, innit? Thing shoves air up my nose all night, and I LIKE it. Go figure. The cool thing is, I can disconnect the mask from the hose, stick the loose end under my pillow, switch it on, and it makes the coolest fan-ventilator pink noise ever, which is heavenly to fall asleep to. Of course, then I snore and get sleep apnea. Sucks that I can't have it both ways. Ha, I made a funny! Sucks...it blows air...geddit?

Things hit rock bottom at work just before I left for vacation. To make a long story short, the 2008 camp brochure I was designing was an unanaesthetized tooth extraction, no one was happy with what I was doing, my boss was about to not let me take my vacation, I got written up for corrective action (with the not-so-subtle hint that my ass was very close to getting shitcanned), and I just said fuck it. I finished the book on time like I said I would, then turned my resignation in to our president/CEO. I must have come across as suicidally despondent because he told my boss to track me down and talk to me. I very emotionally spilled my guts to her, expressing all my pent up frustration and stuff, and then decided to rescind my resignation until after my vacation, after I'd had time to think it over rationally. Went on vacation--lovely time (although the drive back was a harrowing snow adventure worthy of a major Hollywood production). I decided to get my act together for the time being, and indeed things have been better at work the last month or so--I'm more focused, organized, responsible, bla bla; I've even regained a bit of my old spark and wit and creativity. Ironically, this being since I decided in no uncertain terms that I am THROUGH there, just marking time until we pack our bags. I suppose it's that now I finally feel like I'm moving toward something, instead of dutifully trudging in place like a schmuck, that although the future is uncertain and therefore terrifying on one level--the stress is exhausting, I feel tired and numb a lot--it's also rawly thrilling. It's like being alive for the first time in ages. The proof of the pudding is in the eating, of course, but I'm telling myself anyway: I'm really gonna do this! I'm actually getting the FUCK out of this place and starting over!! And this time I'm gonna do it MY way, as ol' Blue Eyes (a New Jersey native, by the way) once said.

As I said, rambling, rambling, rambling. I better split for now.